Monday, 16 February 2015

Pushing Yourself.

So as you all know, I suffer with anxiety (especially in social situations) and I have been on the road to recovery for about a year. 

Today I decided to push myself and accept an invite to a friends house for dinner. Luckily for me I was with my mum and my sisters who are usually my rocks. 
Everything was lovely. 
Nice food, great company and an overall lovely time. At times I forgot all about my anxiety and worries...until the doorbell went. 
In came 3 strangers and boom. My anxiety hit the roof. It was that same intense anxiety I felt when I was back in the "bad times" around 3 years ago.
 I immediately felt self conscious, paranoid and under scrutiny. 
Part of me was screaming and the other was sobbing. I felt so trapped and scared. 
My stomach clenched and my whole body began to shake. 
I felt sick. 

For me, it was a stark reminder that you're never really okay.
Sometimes your anxiety lets you forget for a minute. It lets you think you're doing okay. And then it consumes you. It overtakes your whole body and reminds you why you stay at home. 

So that was my day. 
I hope you all had a smoother one. 

Thanks for reading 
Loubee Lou

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