Friday, 17 April 2015

Medication: Yay or Nay?

Something that has been playing on my mind (biggest understatement ever right there) is medication and the possibility that I will have to take it for the rest of my life.

A little back story and update. As any of my blog readers will know, I suffer with social anxiety and am currently going through the diagnostic process for any other mental health conditions I have underlying. 
This has been a very long, drawn out and exhausting process not only for me but for my immediate family to go through. It is finally getting on the right track though. 
In June, I have an appointment with a top psychiatrist to determine and diagnose.

After my last appointment with the Intake and Liason team (who were absolutely amazing) I was sent a letter which briefly outlined the next few steps in my journey.
The thing that stood out for me was a note for the GP to start 50mg of Quetiapine.

Hmm, medication.

Now I have taken medication before without such hesitation but this time it just feels different.

In my appointment, I was told that there is a medical diagnosis for me and that my mind will always be just a little bit messed up (obviously not in those words. That's my beautiful word choices).
It's like I have to come to terms with the fact that this will always be me.
My life will always be filled with depression, anxiety and mental anguish.
So you can imagine how dubious I am when approaching a new medication.

I'm worried that this will lead to me needing more medication in the future and I don't want to live a life where I have to take 50 different pills just to 'be normal'.
In my head, I keep telling myself that if this is the best it's going to be, why bother?

Why fill my body with chemicals? Why suffer side effects?
What exactly will they do? How can they help someone who has something that can't be cured?

I suppose I'm just terrified. Terrified of the future.

I can't express how I feel to anyone because I get far too emotional when I speak about it.

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

Thanks for reading
Loubee Lou

*Apologies if this post is a little bit jumbled, I got a bit emotional and my brain got confused. I hope you can make some sense of it