Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Feeling Fuzzy.

Hello guys.

Today I have been feeling a little strange. Almost fuzzy.
But it was only just now that I've realised what it is. 

Bipolar makes itself known even when you take medication to cap it. You're never exactly free of it. It always reminds you of its presence and you just have to go with it. 

The feeling is the mania ending and the depressive mood swinging its way in.
With me, I have a few days/weeks of mania and then a few months of depression and anxiety.

On quetiapine, the dramatic switch is dulled (which is good I guess) but it sometimes makes you forget where one mood started and the other ends. I'm the sort of person that likes to know what's going on...

I knew I was in my manic episode because of one single occasion. 
I managed to go out shopping in my busy town and feel nothing. 
No anxiety, no fear, no worry.
I was just so excited to buy things and look at all the thing in the stores. 
Helloooo bipolar!
I got home and just felt happy (which is how it should be but never is for depressed me).

Now the bad thing for me is that when the depression kicks in, I have to take about 3/4 days to adjust to the new mood and keep it in check. 
For the next few days I know I'll be tearful, worried, anxious, tired, panicky and generally sad.
At the moment, I keep feeling waves of loneliness. 
That voice in my head niggles away trying to convince me I'm alone and no one cares.
Sadly, this is the voice I tend to listen to so I get pretty emotionally sensitive around this time. 

Hopefully by Monday (which happens to be my 20th birthday) I will feel better and more settled.

I do feel really lucky around this time though because I realise how much my medication works for me regardless of the side effects and the chore of remembering to take them. They are doing their job and doing it well.
I have no idea how I ever coped without them. 

Thanks for listening to me ramble on as always.

If you have any questions for me about my mental health or you want some advice/support you can always reach me by email/contact form.

Please don't hesitate to ask/chat!

Lots of Love

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