Tuesday, 1 November 2016

Let's Talk Tablets: Update.

Hello guys, as promised I bring you a medication update.
(That makes it sound like someone actually cares...but on we go).

So in my last mental health post I spoke about my diagnosis of bipolar being reinstated as well as the addition of avoidant personality disorder.

I have since seen the pharmacist about medications and have returned to Quetiapine as it is the drug that does the least damage in terms of side effects and worked for me before.
It's the one they like to try first before hitting the heavy stuff like Lithium especially with me being young and of 'child bearing age'.... *like seriously, I don't even leave my house so I highly doubt there will be babies any time soon*.

At my last appointment I was given enough tablets to gradually work up to 300mg.
It started small and of course I was hit with a mega wave of side effects.
I spent about 22 hours a day asleep, getting up only for water and a snack (and to feed the cat), I was excessively thirsty drinking about double what I usually do, my muscles felt overly heavy and I felt a lot weaker than usual. When I increased the dose I felt a tingly sensation about an hour after taking them and that's when I know to get into bed, lie down and try to sleep. It's a horribly odd feeling that can be quite scary the first time you feel it. I had to talk to myself a couple of times and just say "This is fine. This is normal. It's just your tablets doing their job".

This time, my experience has been different.
Sadly, the tablets aren't working this time around. I have been so patient. I have tried and tried with them but I am experiencing nasty side effects for nothing. Absolutely nothing.
When I took these tablets the first time round, within weeks I felt more confident, my social anxiety was a lot easier to deal with, I had an inability to feel extreme emotions, I physically couldn't cry, I felt more balanced and overall more in control. I got great night's sleep ...Everything was just better.
This time? None of that.
I am currently on my 10th week of taking them and I have made an executive decision to take myself off of them. When they work, you just know and to have felt them work before, I know they aren't doing their job this time which is a real real shame.

Image result for medication quotes

It feels exactly the same as being on no medication so it's 100% pointless taking them.
I am really struggling with everything lately and it hurts. It makes it even more difficult to cope with when you're suffering bad side effects essentially for nothing.
I am as far from balanced as you can be right now.

Who knows if being taken off of the tablets have lessened their effectiveness?
*Yes, Yes...it absolutely has*

So over the next couple of weeks, I will be gradually weaning myself off of Quetiapine and just keep muddling through until I see my psychiatrist in December and then hopefully we can find another medication that actually works.

At least I can eat, drink and pretend to be merry these next couple of months.

Hope you are all well.
Lots of Love

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