Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Let's Talk Tablets: An Update On Me.

It feels like it's been a really long time since I've spoken about myself/my mental health so today I just wanted to give you a little update.

It's fair to say I'm doing well. Perhaps that's why I haven't given you an update in a while...because there isn't anything to report. Except there is... I feel okay. On some days, I even feel good.

Of course I have very bad days but overall I have felt more balance and more in control of myself and my emotions.

I am currently on 100mg of Lamotrigine: 50 in the morning and 50 in the evening.
At first I hated (and slated) this drug so much. I would have intense headaches which wouldn't ease no matter what I did, I felt nauseous a lot of the time and I just felt like they weren't working.
At my last appointment with my psychiatrist I was adamant I wanted to come off of them and go without medication for a while but he pointed out that I wasn't yet on the recommended/most effective dose for someone with Bipolar so he advised that I stuck it out for a little longer. He also told me that if I stopped the medication now it would go on record as not having been tried because I haven't given it a reasonable period of time to work and haven't taken the ideal dose.
So I told myself I'd just tick another box and carry on with it for now. And I am so glad that I did.

I am not claiming it is a miracle drug and of course, I never know how long the effects will last but this has been a bit of a saviour for me.
It feels like someone has found the bipolar dimmer switch and has turned it right down.
I still feel it and I am always cautious but it is quiet. It is quiet enough for me to function and focus.
The lows still happen and I feel them but they're over in a week.

I have never found anything that limits the depressive moods and also caps the hypomania like this one does.
The side effects have majorly subsided now. I get the odd headache but I suffer with them anyway so it could be totally unrelated.

Obviously Bipolar isn't the only thing I have. Avoidant Personality Disorder is untreatable so I am still battling with the self doubt, high social anxiety, general anxiety and infrequent panic attacks but muting the Bipolar is helping me to cope with one thing at a time and work on what I can.

My personal life has been challenging recently and I am dealing with a lot but in terms of my mental health, I am okay.

So that's it. There's your update.

Have a good week!


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