Saturday, 19 May 2018

Mental Health Awareness Week - I Am Proud Of Myself.

After reading a post from Daydreams and Cynicism I was inspired to make a little list of the things that have made me proud of myself.

It is so easy to dwell on everything I've done badly or haven't succeeded at in life that I forget that there are achievements that have meant a lot to me and should be counted.


Running (well, walking) a 5K.

If you follow me on Instagram you'd have seen the obstacles I had to overcome that day. It felt like every single thing was against me.
There was a lot of people I didn't know there and my anxiety was high so I was a on edge before we'd even started the race.


It was a cold day with snow on the ground and just before we entered the woods the bottom of my boot came off. Yes, it literally came off. The heel had just completely come away from the bottom and was flapping up and down. If it was a nice sunny day I would have just said sayonara to the shoes and that would have been the end of it and done it barefoot but it wasn't. It was freezing, wet and muddy. For all the people for that to happen to it just had to be me. I was so conscious that people would be laughing at me or mocking me (social anxiety took over there) and I was quite upset.


I was so done and adamant I was going home. Then the pin keeping my number on broke which wasn't a big deal but still annoying. I have to admit I had a bit of a cry and a mini meltdown in the woods but my mum tied my laces around my boot to keep the heel on and I ditched my number I carried on. I trudged up the hills, powered through the sludgy mud and tried not to go arse over tit on the icy pavements.


I made it to the finish line, I collected my medal and boy was I proud of myself.


Reaching 100,000 blog views.

This was such an achievement for me. I never expected my blog to be seen that many times. I didn't expect it to be read at all to be honest. I just used it as my outlet and space away from life. I love that people have read it and that it keeps growing.


Accepting help.

For years I refused to get help. I was convinced that I'd go to the doctors and she'd laugh me out of the surgery for being so pathetic and silly. I was utterly convinced.
It was only after hitting rock bottom at 18 after struggling 3 years -and not leaving my house for 2 of those years- that I finally went to the GP and that's where my journey began. I only wish I'd have done it sooner.


Being open about my mental health.

I cannot stress enough the importance of talking and being open about who you are and what you're going through. It was through reading other people's stories that I knew I had to share my own. You never know who you might be helping. For a start, you're helping yourself.
I hid my mental illness away and it became like a dirty little secret. It was the unspoken and it controlled my life and I was sick of it.
So I took back control. I used it. I exposed it and I finally feel free.
There are still some things I don't discuss and keep private but I'm getting there.


Losing my uncle and not losing my mind.

I always knew my uncle would die young because of his lifestyle but I knew I could never prepare or even brace myself for that kind of heartbreak. Losing him was and is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and every day is a battle but here I am, fighting.
Every day throws new challenges my way. I've developed new fears, a new outlook on life and a level of resilience I never thought possible. I have hit my lowest of lows in the past year since he's been gone and just when I think I can't get any lower down I go. I have experienced things that have terrified me and I will never be the same. In many ways I wouldn't want to be.
How I have managed to pick myself back up again I'll never know.
I'm still very much in the midst of grief and I am so out of my depth but I'm keeping my head above water.

I am here. I am alive and I'm not giving up just yet.


It's important to remember that what may seem small and insignificant to you is a big deal to someone else. For me, some days getting up and getting dressed is an achievement and you bet your arse I'm gonna recognise that.

So today I set you a challenge. At the end of the day sit down and make a list of 5 things that you've achieved or that you're proud of.
It's time we all started recognising our strength and achievements- no matter how small they may seem.

There is always something to be proud of yourself for.


10 comments:

  1. Wow, you should be so proud of yourself Loubee πŸ’–. 100k blog views is absolutely amazing! Well done for completing a 5k too, they are not easy, especially with a broken boot. You did so well. This is such a positive & inspirational post, thank you for sharing πŸ’– xx

    Bexa | www.hellobexa.com

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  2. This is such an inspiring post, you’ve gained so many amazing achievements! This definitely inspires me to keep on going even when anxiety is just the worst! Congrats on 100,00 blog views as well! Xx

    Andrea | Trxpical Andrea

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  3. Self-acceptance is such a beautiful thing, and once we realize that we are beautiful no matter what, we can finally be happy :)
    With love,
    xx

    Patricia & Miguel
    www.freeoversea.com

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    1. Agreed.

      Thank you for reading x

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  4. Well done not just on the blog views, but on being brave and writing such a heart felt blog post

    Kay xx
    www.mummywho.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Kay. That means a lot x

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  5. Incredible post because it shows lots of examples of bravery, courage and strength!

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